band nerd classy

okay, everyone.  i don’t really know how to introduce the subject of this post, so i’m just going to be straight with you all:  i’m officially dating someone now.  eek!  yes, it is an exciting thing that gives me butterflies to share the news with you.  the best part about it all?  okay, maybe it isn’t the best part, but one of the most interesting facts surrounding this new life event is that we owe all the credit to tinder.

yes!  i promise you read it correctly.  phillip and i “met” on tinder on valentine’s day (aawww!).  after both of us swiped right, he struck up conversation as i was out and about shopping for clothes and makeup.  we met for coffee a couple nights later after a long getting-to-know-each-other phone call, and with the last sip of my decaf vanilla latte, i knew something felt right.  i’m usually a ball of nervous anxiety and excitement when i meet a guy, but something at the perimeter pointe starbucks that monday night that was very reassuring.

after many strange and unsuccessful tinder dates those first few months, i had lost a little faith.  i know, no one promised that i would meet my soulmate on tinder, but a little part of me thought “surely it isn’t supposed to be this difficult, is it?”  i had been single for years, and as i’ve written in the past, there are days i loved it and days i hated it.  i spent the better parts of the last four years embracing my single status and being selfish with my time.  tinder was supposed to just be a social experiment to keep me entertained, but it has somehow brought me to something more, something that i wake up being thankful for each morning.

phillip is quite the goofball, a great thing considering i’m a bit of a weirdo myself.  he lets me be silly and doesn’t question all the strange and girly ways i have.  to him i am a complete one-eighty from the girls he’s dated in the past, and i’m just thankful that he finds my differences attractive.  he’s been describing me as “band nerd classy” to his friends and family, something that makes me cringe but probably shouldn’t.  classy is always a good thing to be, and i guess i have to be honest and admit that i am a bit of a band nerd.  i mean, i played piano throughout my childhood and then french horn for over 10 years in wind ensembles and marching band.  in that respect, i’m definitely a good match for him considering he was a voice major at mercer.  who doesn’t love a man who can sing?  i knew you’d agree.  🙂

i promised phillip i’d write some kind of update here on the blog, but i didn’t want it to be too mushy and sweet.  something i like is that he is much more of a romantic than me, so he’s getting me comfortable with that side of a relationship.  for this post, though, i wanted to keep things light, and so a darling little photo shoot was what came to mind.  i really don’t know what the exact inspiration was, but this is what we do in our free time, take strange pictures of our faces doing things.

ah, yes, the yellow pages.  an artifact from times of yore.

just like pooh bear, think, think, think.


mm, envelopes.  the best tasting things ever.


i specifically remember we had mcdonald’s that night.  tasty.

i’m so hood…?  #andrichheavy


…and so is phillip…?

glamour shot!


to quote sex and the city…

one of the reasons some people still risk the possible horror of a first date is the possible magic of the goodnight kiss at the front door.

well, ladies and gents, i didn’t have my front door last night, but things had gone so well that, to spoil the end for you, there was magic when he walked me to my car, and i’m still smiling because of it.

i think i had forgotten how well a first date could go, and this fellow reminded me that it can be easy and enjoyable and so refreshing that you look forward to date two.  well, it’s a relief to know that all those other mediocre dates weren’t something wrong with me; they just weren’t the right matches.  not everything works out, and as he and i agreed, everything happens for a reason.  we meet who we meet for some underlying purpose that might not yet be realized, and if we have enough patience and perspective, we might be able to see it soon.

this post is a brief one, for i don’t want to jinx the good mojo that’s here, but to those of you treading the single dating waters out there, keep on keepin’ on.  if nothing else, you’ll always have a good story to tell.

let’s play tinder!

tinder:  a social networking app that helps you find people near you that want to meet up, for whatever reason.  maybe a hookup, a new friend with benefits, a spark that could turn into something more.  the outcomes truly are endless, as you never know what you’re going to uncover.

on this app, you create a simple profile for yourself with up to six different photos.  make sure you pick the best one to be first, though, because folks may be swiping left (they don’t want any of your action) or right (yes, please!) based solely on your looks.  sound a little bit shallow?  that was my first thought as well.  for the longest time i heard horror stories from my coworkers about what people said and how tinder dates went, and then a week or so ago i realized i had nothing to lose and made an account myself.  i told myself it was for the sake of social experimentation, but how do i feel now?

for starters, meeting someone through a dating web site or any kind of social app has a certain something that goes with it.  you may have called it a stigma years ago, but saying you met someone online in whatever capacity is becoming much more commonplace these days.  i’ve never thought the online meeting experience was for me, but there is something relatively non-threatening about tinder.  it doesn’t require a personality exam, they don’t ask you about your values.  people are getting on there and consciously deciding what to put forth about themselves.  pretty low on the serious scale and rather straightforward, actually.

now, what exactly do i mean when i say “straightforward?”  well, some folks are very clear in that they are looking for some hit-it-and-quit-it action while they’re in town for the weekend.  others aren’t too shy to say they’d be interested in finding something a little deeper.  it makes the “swipe left, swipe right” game very easy at times.  get those awkward pleasantries out of the way and get down to business!

as i began playing and reading through these guys’ profiles, i couldn’t help but ask myself, “what do i actually expect to come of it all?  what intangible value or perk is there to this process?  is this thing really as sleazy as it sounds?”  i thought about all those questions after about a week with my active profile, and then i stumbled upon a fellow who had something to this effect in his personal blurb:  “we’ve all been playing tinder before this app came along.  it’s called the double-take, the-introduce-yourself-to-a-stranger bit, the walk-up-and-buy-her-a-drink-because-she’s-cute move.”  eureka!  he’s absolutely right!  if we aren’t being introduced to someone by a friend or acquaintance, our meeting of another person is possibly random and based on our initial gut reaction when we see them.  looks are a big part of the equation, yes.  if i see a cute guy in the bar, i certainly want him to notice me and to talk to him.  with something like tinder, you’re showing the same interest in a similar manner.  get it?  it’s just the avenue, the channel so to say, you take to get there.

after getting off my high horse and taking it for what it was, i clicked on photos, scrutinized profiles, and made matches left and right.  ha, left and right.  you swipe left and right on the app.  ah, i humor myself so!  my first match was startling, as i had no idea what it really meant or what to do with it.  i matched with four guys in nearly record time, it felt like.  when i later logged back in and went to go look at them, i found i was now only matched with two.  um, huh?  turns out you can UNmatch yourself from someone on tinder.  ah, harsh!  that’s just how it goes though, right?  i guess so.

getting those matches was like a tiny burst of self-esteem in the middle of the workday, probably right when i needed it the most.  it puzzled me, though, as my tinder experience continued on, when conversations weren’t really being had.  i had oodles of matches, but only a handful of fellas had the confidence to strike up a conversation.  and for those matches where i said something first, no lasting exchanges were held.  i think this is what has gotten me most out of it, that i match with someone yet we do not do anything about it.  seems kind of pointless in that sense, yes?  i thought so, too.

being the positive person i am, though, i kept things going with a few of the matches and actually have a date scheduled with justin for some beers later this week.  ooh, a semi-blind date – how thrilling!  it becomes clear very quickly that if someone’s on there to meet you, you’ll know.  they’ll ask questions and show their interest, and they’ll get what they put into it.

will i meet my soulmate on tinder?  oh my heavens, that would be a story to tell if it were true.  i have no clue, though.  i’m looking forward to meeting new folks and trying new things, and if tinder is the way that some of those experiences come up, then who am i to say no?  as many of the guys have put on tinder, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.  bazinga!

the wild world of dating

i just settled into a table here at disco starbucks, and the folks next to me are clearly on a first date.  “so why did you decide to move to atlanta from tampa?  is your family still there?” he asks, feigning interest, or perhaps it is genuine?  let’s hope it’s genuine.  “what about your folks?” she returns after giving her answer.  their exchanges seem to be fluid, effortless, enjoyable.  i think it’s clear she ordered her drink first, because she has a venti shaken tea-something, and it looks like he has the exact same thing but a different flavor.  ah, he’s being kind and making her comfortable.  he’s laid back in his chair, exuding relaxation.  she’s leaned over the table, displaying her interest through her physical motions.  they say a large percentage of communication between individuals is non-verbal.  and you know, i’ve been around long enough to believe it.

how did they meet?  is it a date?  were they set up by mutual friends?  did they find each other at a bar this past weekend?  i suppose i’ll never know.  maybe i should lean over and politely ask?  ah, never!  that’s even too imposing for me, and i know i’m a nosy person.

they both are asking good questions that are smoothly leading into conversation.  it sounds like they both have lovely families, yet they are the only ones here in atlanta.  he chuckles at a story she tells, and she smiles with flattery.  will they go on a dinner date later this week?  will they meet up to watch football on saturday?  i only wish we could know how the story ends!  i suppose i’ll just leave them to be enraptured with one another.

listening to this pair next to me gets me thinking:  why are we singles so afraid to date?  this encounter they are having seems to be painless and enjoyable, at least from three feet away it looks that way.  i know many people who loathe the idea of meeting someone new and having to go on a date.  dang, sounds like we’re a little spoiled, or maybe jaded? or maybe both?  i don’t know what the right adjective to use is, but i furrow my brow when people tell me they feel this same way.  is getting to know someone new that awful, that unpleasant, that we pass up the opportunity to get to know a possibly magnetic and compatible match?  what do we have to lose?  a couple hours over dinner one night?  an afternoon coffee?  of all the hours in our lives that we waste on other menial and trivial things, why do we push away the chance for a good night out?  and, if nothing else, a good story?

i love going on first dates.  i love going on dates.  perhaps they don’t occur as frequently as i would like, but i’m not going to force anything.  going on a date with someone new is like going on an adventure.  you never know what you might get out of it, but you’re telling the other person, “yes, i would like to spend time with you.”  and you know what?  you never know how that one date, those few hours together, might change someone.  sure, most first dates don’t turn into second dates.  i’m not here saying that they have to, but every time we say no to someone because we’re unsure, we’re shutting down the opportunity for something, anything, to come of it all.

with all of this being said, let me take a moment to say this as well:  being asked on a date is extremely flattering, no matter who you are!  someone saw you, spoke with you, was caught by your eye, and they had the gumption to come over and ask to spend more time with you.  it doesn’t mean you’re getting married.  it doesn’t mean you have to sleep together.  it means that someone simply wants to get to know you more.  and hey, did the thought ever cross your mind that after the first date, they might find that nothing more is there?  oooh, let’s soak that one in for a minute.

when you’re a mature, single adult in the dating world, you find that it becomes easier to let things not work out the way you want.  so he doesn’t want a second date?  okay.  i’ll have my “it’s his loss” moment and then know that there are other men out there who now have the chance to sweep me off my feet.  dating is not a matter of life or death.  it’s actually a great opportunity to find out what you do and do not want out of a relationship, however casual or serious it may be.  i’ve found out more about myself through the dating i’ve done than i ever would have had i spent those nights cooped up in my condo.

i want to leave you with this message, dedicated reader and passer-by:  allow yourself the underrated luxury of meeting someone new.  it’s something that terrifies many of us but will make us a bolder and more assured person in the end, so that when mr. right or mrs. right does come along, we know where we are and where we want to go.