to quote sex and the city…

one of the reasons some people still risk the possible horror of a first date is the possible magic of the goodnight kiss at the front door.

well, ladies and gents, i didn’t have my front door last night, but things had gone so well that, to spoil the end for you, there was magic when he walked me to my car, and i’m still smiling because of it.

i think i had forgotten how well a first date could go, and this fellow reminded me that it can be easy and enjoyable and so refreshing that you look forward to date two.  well, it’s a relief to know that all those other mediocre dates weren’t something wrong with me; they just weren’t the right matches.  not everything works out, and as he and i agreed, everything happens for a reason.  we meet who we meet for some underlying purpose that might not yet be realized, and if we have enough patience and perspective, we might be able to see it soon.

this post is a brief one, for i don’t want to jinx the good mojo that’s here, but to those of you treading the single dating waters out there, keep on keepin’ on.  if nothing else, you’ll always have a good story to tell.

let’s play tinder!

tinder:  a social networking app that helps you find people near you that want to meet up, for whatever reason.  maybe a hookup, a new friend with benefits, a spark that could turn into something more.  the outcomes truly are endless, as you never know what you’re going to uncover.

on this app, you create a simple profile for yourself with up to six different photos.  make sure you pick the best one to be first, though, because folks may be swiping left (they don’t want any of your action) or right (yes, please!) based solely on your looks.  sound a little bit shallow?  that was my first thought as well.  for the longest time i heard horror stories from my coworkers about what people said and how tinder dates went, and then a week or so ago i realized i had nothing to lose and made an account myself.  i told myself it was for the sake of social experimentation, but how do i feel now?

for starters, meeting someone through a dating web site or any kind of social app has a certain something that goes with it.  you may have called it a stigma years ago, but saying you met someone online in whatever capacity is becoming much more commonplace these days.  i’ve never thought the online meeting experience was for me, but there is something relatively non-threatening about tinder.  it doesn’t require a personality exam, they don’t ask you about your values.  people are getting on there and consciously deciding what to put forth about themselves.  pretty low on the serious scale and rather straightforward, actually.

now, what exactly do i mean when i say “straightforward?”  well, some folks are very clear in that they are looking for some hit-it-and-quit-it action while they’re in town for the weekend.  others aren’t too shy to say they’d be interested in finding something a little deeper.  it makes the “swipe left, swipe right” game very easy at times.  get those awkward pleasantries out of the way and get down to business!

as i began playing and reading through these guys’ profiles, i couldn’t help but ask myself, “what do i actually expect to come of it all?  what intangible value or perk is there to this process?  is this thing really as sleazy as it sounds?”  i thought about all those questions after about a week with my active profile, and then i stumbled upon a fellow who had something to this effect in his personal blurb:  “we’ve all been playing tinder before this app came along.  it’s called the double-take, the-introduce-yourself-to-a-stranger bit, the walk-up-and-buy-her-a-drink-because-she’s-cute move.”  eureka!  he’s absolutely right!  if we aren’t being introduced to someone by a friend or acquaintance, our meeting of another person is possibly random and based on our initial gut reaction when we see them.  looks are a big part of the equation, yes.  if i see a cute guy in the bar, i certainly want him to notice me and to talk to him.  with something like tinder, you’re showing the same interest in a similar manner.  get it?  it’s just the avenue, the channel so to say, you take to get there.

after getting off my high horse and taking it for what it was, i clicked on photos, scrutinized profiles, and made matches left and right.  ha, left and right.  you swipe left and right on the app.  ah, i humor myself so!  my first match was startling, as i had no idea what it really meant or what to do with it.  i matched with four guys in nearly record time, it felt like.  when i later logged back in and went to go look at them, i found i was now only matched with two.  um, huh?  turns out you can UNmatch yourself from someone on tinder.  ah, harsh!  that’s just how it goes though, right?  i guess so.

getting those matches was like a tiny burst of self-esteem in the middle of the workday, probably right when i needed it the most.  it puzzled me, though, as my tinder experience continued on, when conversations weren’t really being had.  i had oodles of matches, but only a handful of fellas had the confidence to strike up a conversation.  and for those matches where i said something first, no lasting exchanges were held.  i think this is what has gotten me most out of it, that i match with someone yet we do not do anything about it.  seems kind of pointless in that sense, yes?  i thought so, too.

being the positive person i am, though, i kept things going with a few of the matches and actually have a date scheduled with justin for some beers later this week.  ooh, a semi-blind date – how thrilling!  it becomes clear very quickly that if someone’s on there to meet you, you’ll know.  they’ll ask questions and show their interest, and they’ll get what they put into it.

will i meet my soulmate on tinder?  oh my heavens, that would be a story to tell if it were true.  i have no clue, though.  i’m looking forward to meeting new folks and trying new things, and if tinder is the way that some of those experiences come up, then who am i to say no?  as many of the guys have put on tinder, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.  bazinga!